I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
