addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
