dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
