he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
