sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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