So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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