Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
