I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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