Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my shit smells like andre
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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