There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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