i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
