I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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