I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
