So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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