17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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