I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
