Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
