Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
