I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
