i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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