Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
