There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
