I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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