The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
