my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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