I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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