All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
