I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
