I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
