mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
