insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
