You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
