We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My dick has a subreddit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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