We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just invented taco cereal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
