He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
