Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
