glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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