One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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