I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize