So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
