apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
