One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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