Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
how drunk are you?
Several
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
