a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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