it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
