apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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