I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
