Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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