i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
