She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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