We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
