a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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