I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
