Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize