we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize