to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
