We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A bitchslap is in order.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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