who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
