her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
