ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
