This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize