You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
