girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
