I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
