dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
