I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
whose parrot is this?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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