i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
